A Long Nights Journey into Garbage...

I just got in from a local bar down here and lemme tell you. It's enough to make one WANT to be straight. There was this guy about 60 or 65 who had a hardhat on with a cut off shirt and a jockstrap with the rolls of fat hanging over the waist. I thought to myself what was he thinking, but I dont believe he was thinking otherwise he wouldnt have looked or dressed like such a jackass. To top it all off he was really staggering all over the place and of course found his way right next to me. If I didnt enjoy my dinner so much I think I would have barfed on him just to get him to GO!
The dance floor had a crowd of 3 and the music was actually good. It seems that as we get older there are less guys that go out. I guess the age of the internet has kept men on chat rooms looking for a quick hook up. You can get off without ever having to go out until you find the right guy you wanna screw with. Forget about finding PLATONIC (now thats a VERY rare term used these days) friends at a bar..theres always an undercurrent. I had one guy tell me, and I quote "whats in it for me". That about covers EVERYTHING wouldnt you say?
Then you get the guys who LOVE and ENJOY breaking up couples by coming on to one of them in front of the other. I have always been of the opinion that the only guy who can break up the relationship are the guys *IN* the relationship. No one can come between you unless YOU in the relationship permit that!! Unfortunately many guys DO permit that because its new meat, the hunt, the chase, and then the conquering. Yeah, and the guy usually has a good body, is on steroids and charming. After its over the sad sot wants to go back to the now ex lover begging for forgiveness. The REALLY sad part is that history, if we dont learn from it the first go around, usually ends up repeating itself. Once a cheater always a cheater and men hold that championship title.
The process repeats itself until one of the partners gets disgusted enough to NOT go back. At 50 I dont have that kind of time to waste anymore on a jerkoff who would do that to me. I prefer being alone to having to deal with all the drama and bullshit. I happen to like my company regardlesss of how anyone else feels. Then there are the fat men who look like they not only have their own zip and area codes but if you get too close their gravitational field will pull you right in. We're talking planets here folks. I believe in live and let live but dont get pissed off at me because I am not responding to your advances and I dont want to have anything sexual to do with you. I'll be cordial but keep yer hands to yourself man. If I want more you wont have to touch me. You'll know it long before your hands ever touch my body. So after awhile I left and here I am at home. Yeah I was out with my man and yeah it happens anyway even when guys perceive us as a couple. It doesnt matter to alot of men out there. They are in it to get off and everyone is fair game.

Whats That about?

Seems that when you are in a relationship for the long term be it gay or straight there are certain things that happen. A. You age. B. You grow comfortable with the other person to a fault. C. One partner wants to have outside friends to go out with and not always necessarily include YOU in their plans with the new friend.
This poses several problems. A. You feel left out. B. The partner that goes out is having a good time and YOU are left at home. C. If you say anything TO him you are perceived as being jealous. D. If YOU decide to go out and make friends, then your other half will feel you are trying to get back at him for it and end up going out even more.
The question then becomes what CAN you do? A. Live your life walking on eggshells trying to act as if nothing is happening and resenting him for leaving you alone. B. Pretend NOTHING is happening and stay at home. C. Live your life for yourself and realize you aren't joined at the hip and go make your own friends.
I guess that you have no control over anything else or anyone else. IF the guy knowingly asks out one partner to the movies because he has only ONE extra ticket and knowingly leaves out the other one..and that person invited doesnt see anything wrong with leaving his partner at home, then the partner whos left at home needs to go out and get his own friends; not to get even but to find a life for himself outside the relationship. One has to cover his own ass and not become a victim of circumstance. One cannot be made to feel victimized unless one relinquishes THAT power to someone else. Relationships come and go but you are the only one who has to look at yourself in the mirror every day and not only deal with what you see, BUT be happy with who you are and how you choose to deal WITH and live life...

Growling on queue

Everytime I think I have heard it all, life throws me something new to learn. I tend sometimes to open my mouth up way too much and it often comes back to bite my ass. It seems gay men dont UNDERSTAND the concept of friendship unless you go to bed with them first...sex first THEN we discuss friendship which is REALLY all ass backwards. You can meet a guy, either on line, in a bar or in a store and even though the motives are seemingly innocent, 90% of the time it's pure as NYC snow after 24 hours. I wont even go into the sex itself part. That is a novel not a post...but I digress and thats another blog on here at another point. What makes matters worse is when one of the partners HAS cheated behind the others back then goes out to make friends..ITs only natural for the other one to feel inscure since he ALREADY has BREECHED a trust and its difficult at best to get past that. You play a cat n mouse walking on broken glass type of communication since you dont really have a sense of how sharp the glass is until you step on it. Why is it that I can indeed have a totally platonic relationship geared toward a delveloping friendship and other gay men cannot?
Just because I find someone attractive doesnt mean its IMPERATIVE for me to sleep with them. You cannot pick every flower in the field. Too much candy makes you SICK and it makes ME sick to see all the bullshit, drama and undercurrents when two guys meet up. Maybe thats why I cannot seem to develop any new friends. Am I altrusitic ALL the time, of course not; however MOST of the time thats all I seek and I cant find it...ANYPLACE!! You know what...IT SUCKS!!

A half Century of Nonsense

Here I am, past 50 and on this blog thing. Having lived more than half my life expectancy, I find it distasteful being a gay man; a leatherman, and one who gets himself into alot of trouble by throwing AT people a piece of his mind rather than just giving it TO them. Granted I keep it shut when I am not asked for advice but I get really pissed off when someone ASKS me for honest advice then gets angry at me when I dont provide them with bullshit or lip service. It seems that gay men when they ask you for your opinion are the first to get ticked off when you tell them how you really feel. I have never understood why this is and I have been out a VERY long time (since I was 16) which would mean I am a year younger than the gay pride movement. I think through it all I have learned that most people dont want to know whats REALLY going down because that would mean that they would have to fess up to their own bullshit and that at 50, wisdome means I know how to ask the questions better but Im not sure I am any closer to answers. As I navigate my way on here and learn more about the blogs I will be adding new features and accessories..and as a gay man I KNOW how to accessorize..I also know how to build and construct and get my hands dirty. Does that mean I am half Lesbian too? I own a jeep wrangler and I dont have any cats or dogs but I do have a manboy in my life of 4 + years and live in a house in Wilton Manors Fla. where we enjoy life, each other and do the best we can. Am hoping I can cause alot of trouble on here too because thats just Who I am. No apologies, NO REGRETS...later.

OCT 2004