Monday, January 24, 2005


It often comes to my mind..Ride Like the Wind by Christopher Cross. Theres a line in that song that often rings in my heart. "Never was the kind to do as I was told, gonna ride like the wind before I get old". I dont think I will be old for another 30 years at least. Today I am 51 and there are times I get scared;not often, but I do. Been on my own a VERY long time, worked hard and I owe NOTHING to anyone because as my parents always told me, you get the things you need; whatever you "want", you go do it on your own. I DID. I'm Here, I DID IT. Most people who knew me then are all dead from AIDS barring a few friends who knew me when I had nothing and are thankfully still sharing adventures with me. Yeah I mean YOU, Tom and Mark and of course my hetero buddy John M. who I know bout 35 years. The perception is that I do nothing but sit on my ass, order people to work for me and sit back and collect money from my properties. Money and property just fell out of the sky at my feet and I didnt have to put in any effort.
One takes stock of himself every so often and I do that at this time every year because I'm a year closer to leaving this planet, or as some Baptists say (and I love the term) going home to glory. I am ashamed that I havent done enough to give back and sometimes I feel I have accomplished nothing. When ever I do something to help someone I truly feel blessed and privileged to be able to do something to make their life better. I cant even tell you how fulfilled that makes me feel inside to make a difference. I will have no children to pass anything onto BUT I hope to be immortal through my actions. I forget the exact line but one is immortal when his thoughts, feelings and abilities live on after him and how he has touched others who have been profoundly affected by him; therefore he lives on. Thats the best one can hope for. After watching so many buddies die I have grown accustomed to death and as my uncle whos 83 says, " I dont mind dying its just being away for so long".
My partner has a friend who lives out west. His name is thorne and except for the piercings and his non conformist way of dressing I see myself as being a version of him; a bit watered down but I am OUT there.
I still put some blue color in my hair...its beginning to look good with the hints of gray. OK, punk rock guy, disco bunny, plague survivor, leather man, child shrink, real estate owner. Madonna has nothing on me in reinventing herself. Yeah, am gonna ride like the wind; UNTIL , (NOT BEFORE,) I get old....


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