Tuesday, March 20, 2007


That word seems to be the gay anthem of life and the very existance of what and who we are as men. Little regard exists for anything other than getting off. I had this guy on line give me as his first line " how hung, you top and wanna fuck?" Thats all he said. I go to check him out and the jerk has a lover. I simply wrote him back that I didnt understand how you could give your heart to someone then give your ass to everyone else. Of course I got no response back. He moved on.
I just dont get it. Guys dont date anymore. They get laid and get off in any way they can. The big misnomer is the open relationship bullshit. I think thats a term made up by fags who have a lover and then get to act like they're single when they get tired of having sex with the guy THEY chose as their lover. Now heres the REALLY fucked up part. They go on line as I do (I am single) and they get all the ass they want from other men both single and partnered and *I* get passed up because I want more than a quick fuck. Most of them arent capable of wanting or giving anything other than their ass for an hour or two. I truly believe that their way is easier but it isnt better. Not in the long run. In the short term they get off but thats all they get..OFF !! By the same token that doesnt leave me with much hope now does it? AS I get older I will have less and less opportunity to find someone because as we ALL know youth wins out. The physical beauty of a guy will far surpass substance. Again at least in the short term but what the hell. Even if they make a mistake they have many years in front of them to find someone. I dont have that option or luxury anymore and I doubt that other than my memories I will have little to look forward to. IF you look at all the single old gay men who go to the wrinkle rooms and bars for dinner and the like, it bears me out to be right. MOST of my generation of gay men died long ago from AIDS in that first and second wave which hit the gay community hard and without any mercy. Sometimes I wish I had gone with them because the present prospects for the last 25 or 35 years of my life SUCK!! I have already made peace with the fact that I will be single for whatever time I have left on this earth; not of friends but of a special man to share my remaining time with. Lets face facts. Intimacy and monogamy are indeed Gay curse words. ITs not that I have little faith in myself. Thats not the issue. I have little faith in gay men and no one has yet to prove me wrong. No one wants to date and the guys that do, live 1/2 way across the country and guys dont move just to date. You either live local or you dont and most men who have lives and jobs cant just pick up stakes and start over at 40, 45 or 50. ITs just not feasible so when you look at all these factors it doesnt look good for men like me who are in my situation.
It gets very frustrating for me especially when I see guy in so called long term relationships, married to their men, partnered or whatever other term they use and they are hitting on EVERYONE to get laid while the lover is at work, out of town or they are out of town. To me its simply VILE and disgusting. Here I am and I cant even get a date. Being a leatherman just complicates everything. Bottoms are easy to find but boys.. I wont even go there. I CAN get laid every night of the week or even several times a day. I can go on line and get someone ot come over in less than 15 minutes but ask for a date and they click me off. I cant even get them to meet me on the outside before I ask them to come back for a fuck. They want to come right over and get right down to it. PERIOD!! Booty call wont work for me anyone. You want THAT kind of sex then be willing to pay me for it. I keep busy with my friends and projects to fill up my time and I learn things to occupy my interests and my mind. If thats what my life is to be for whats left of it then so be it. I am doing the best I can..Thats all I can do..

Friday, March 09, 2007

Union OF The Snake...

Since I last entered in here, nothing much has happened; well other than getting rid of my house in NYC and getting a new series of inkwork on my right arm up to my shoulder and around to my back. I saw my ex at a local dance place and it was rewarding to see how time HASNT been good to him. They say the best revenge is living well.
I am getting real tired of online ANYTHING these days. I get guys who want to go out with me who live in Kuala Lampur, Indonesia, Istanbul Turkey, Lima Peru among many other places. I dont get it. I have no intention of sending a plane ticket to a total stranger. Most of them dont even show a pic or if they do its a body part, if you get the drift. No face just a body part..LOSERS.
Then there are the guys who live in the same state as you..in fact I had this one guy who lived literally across the street..less than 50 feet and it took him 6 months to meet me. THEN he vanished for another YEAR then all of a sudden he wanted to get together. I told him to GET LOST, actually I told him to F*CK OFF..
Then I met this other guy who I hit it off with from the West Coast of Fla. WE had a great time. He spent a weekend with me and I really enjoyed getting to know more about him. He had planned to visit me for Xmas then 4 days before his trip he cancelled out and he just stopped bothering with me. TO THIS DAY I still dont know why or what happened. HE never even bothered to explain ANYTHING to me.
Then you get the guys who pull the carrot out in front of you the way you try to get a horse to do what you want. You put the carrot in front of the horse's face just far enough so you get the horse to go where you want. When the horse responds you pull the carrot away. In other words, you get the guys who say all the right stuff and do all the right moves and they give you some time but when you respond and you begin to move toward them they back away but if you back away too much they then move BACK toward you to suck you back in. You go thru this push pull thing and they KNOW the game they are playing. Thankfully I am smart enough to see it FAST. I end up shoving the carrot in them where the sun dont shine, pull it out then force them to eat it.
Then there are the guys in open relationships who want you as booty call. Jesus Christ I am 53 years old!! BOOTY CALL?? MAN I think I am worth more than that. I dont understand the point of being IN a relationship and then screwing around with everyone else as if you are single..Whats the point? Again I dont get it.
Then you have the total OPPOSITE extreme. The guys who want INSTANT relationship. Add 2 dates and yer ready for move in condition. They are in love with the idea of being in love but you cant love someone you dont take the time to get to know. I have run into that 7 different times with men who wanted to be totally involved after 1 week or after one weekend or after 1 night..again I dont get this one at all....
I really feel that I will be single for the rest of my life. Every time I felt that there was hope with a guy I met, the rug wasnt pulled out from under me it was YANKED out.
Heres the REALLY F*cked up part. When I meet someone and I treat them like shit, they follow me around like sick puppy dogs but when I treat them with interest and attention, they run away. The meaner I am TO them the more they come after me...I dont get it.
Yeah I am staying single.. I'll get laid on my terms but am not investing any of my time in anyone. ITs just not worth it...and its not worth my energy. The way I was raised as a leatherboy doesnt exist anymore. What I want doesnt exist anymore. Its all a BIG free for all game that I dont want to play. I understand that there will always be change but not all change is for the better..IT is what it is..and as for me I dont like at all the WAY it is..I guess I just cant accept the fact that theres NO ONE out there who feels remotely as I do. HOWEVER, nothing out there that I have seen in these past 3 years has even remotely come close to proving I am wrong.