Friday, June 27, 2008

In Your Life

Its been far too long since my last posting here. IF I hear it one more time from anyone that they just cant understand how a guy like me is single I am gonna SPIT UP .... I think back to Brokeback Mountain and I would give anything I have to have someone love me like that. Hey I'd be happy to have someone love me at all. Even better if it were the right guy who I loved back. Granted it was really unrequited love but its more than what I have had in over 4 years which has been ZIPPO.
As a Buddhist I am told that the universe sends you what you need not always what you want. Well who the hell doesn't need to be loved? I have no answers but I guess you cant have the answers to everything.
Women feel their biological clock 54 I feel my time clock ticking and it would be a wonderful completion for the remainder my life to be loved and to have the privilege and honor to love someone again. After being out of the proverbial closet for over 38 years I still don't understand why guys prefer a trick over love and intimacy. Yeah, yeah, you have the option to go out and *do* whoever you want but that kind of sport sex gets B O R I N G. When I go to the Bars n clubs I see all these guys I know from the gym and other places hooking up with men I wouldn't shit on. I don't get it....when I go through my stage of hooking up with 3 or 4 or 5 men in a week it leaves me empty and unhappy and yet being alone leaves me the same way so theres no happy medium to this at all. IF you ask guys out on a date they run for the hills but if you hook up with them they come after you and the more you say no to a second time the more desirable you get. Then you get the guys over 40 who only want the guys so young they need diapers with the reason being is that they can manipulate them, or have a trophy boyfriend whereas they cant do that with someone their age or older. Then theres the open relationship bullshit. Why even bother? I guess that doesn't leave much left for me then eh? I'm the exception as I usually am in that I don't want a child. I don't do diapers or windows.
Again I DON'T get it...and from the looks of things am not sure I will.....
I was told several times that when you aim high you have to strain and hurt to reach for what you want and when you aim low you can get any piece of trash...
It's a quandary ....


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