Monday, October 23, 2006

Moving into Light

Been thinkin about that song as of late. Reminds me of Bryan, who died of AIDS back in 1993 at the age of 38. I think out of all the guys I loved, HE was the man who took me to places outside of my mind when we were intimate. HE taught me much about having fun, and loving somoene so much that he owuldnt do ANYTHING to put me at ANY possible risk for when we were together it was the late 80's and there was VERY little known about HIV. He was painstaking in making sure he NEVER put me at risk, and he NEVER did.
This then brings me to my next topic. His name is Howard Kaplan and he used to live at 410 Ave X and 386 5th Avenue # 3 and both places are in Brooklyn NY. I havent heard from him in about 10 years and I would give ANYTHING to know where he is. He is 10 or 12 yrs younger then me and at the time I was in my mid 30's and I thought my crap didnt stink and he was a young pup in his 20's. I was his first and in plain English I screwed things up royally. I thought that I was such a big shot and he was some kid that I never took seriously. It sickens me now to look back and think about it because I know better now and I am going to find him to tell him I am sorry and to forgive me. IF any of you out there have ANY ideas on how to find him, let me know. I have tried all the free sites I know of and it seems I will end up paying 30 bucks or more to find out where he is. Howard used to call me foxy ALL the time and in my minds eye I can still see the look in his blue eyes when we talked for hours or all night long. MORE Than anything I just want to tell him I am sorry for being such a jackass toward him. When another one of our friends died of AIDS, Howard just vanished. His then roomate, knew where he was and I would call her up and the bitch never would give me his info and I am not even sure she even told him that his friend died of AIDS so I still am not sure if Howard knows that his friend Michael died back in april 1996. She was this control freak that SHE wanted to be in the loop about him and SHE decided who knew what and who didnt know, so she decided that NONE of his friends were given ANY info on him EXCEPT HER and when you asked if she relayed our messages TO him, she would say yes but then NEVER give us ANY response of what Howard said. I am still so pissed off that if I ever confronted that bitch now I would seriously think about punching her face OUT for what she did. I am GOING to FIND you Cappy. I have always loved you and you need to know that, and to apologise for what a shit I was to you....


Post a Comment

<< Home