Shivers......

So the holidays are gone and I am now 53. My birthday was yesterday. That alone sends shivers through me. I am acutely aware of my limited time here and if I live another 30 or 40 years I would truly be blessed and privileged; as long as the quality of my life to be productive and constantly expanding is still there and I am cognisant and aware.
MY project for this year is to not only learn but MASTER Sign Language. When I attended Mid Atlantic Leather in Washington DC several weeks back it was the deaf leather folk who stole my heart. I have never met more sincere and genuine people in my life. They reminded me of the men who reared me when I was a young boy into leather. I needed to connect and be with them and I am learning fast so that I will be able to hang with them and communicate. That excites me VERY much.
MY life has taken some dramatic but positive turns in the past year. Been downsizing my life and holdings because I dont want to spend my time taking care of multiple households. I downsized 3 into 1 and I am VERY happy about that. I want to simplify my life so as to give me the time and space to go and do what I want; ie, like learning American sign Language for starters and doing MUCH more travel this coming year.
The folly and stupidity of youth is that you dont realize how fast time is passing until you notice the hair going grey or the fat coming on your belly or the wrinkles and lines on your face. When you hit 30 you should begin to think about where you are going. So many gay men dont bother doing that because they are too concerned about who is looking at them, the next circuit party and the next drug they can take or the next steroid cycle. The fact that by the very nature of what they are doing to themselves will actually age them faster is of little consequence because they dont think that far ahead until of course they look like death warmed over in the microwave. Yeah its not a pretty picture but it does give me a measure of satisfaction to see that I am in much better shape than guys 20 yrs younger than me which tells you ALOT about THAT culture..
At this stage of my life I want to learn , to grow and to experience the things I feel I havent yet done. I also want to teach what I have learned and seen. I fear that because these kids havent seen the horror of HIV they wont understand the catastrophie it was until they begin to watch their friends die, but then again with the epidemic of Hepatitis C and meth, they will get their chance to see their own version of hell.
I am where I want to be and doing what I want to be doing.